She Has Issues
by Ruby Luna Crystal
Summary: Haruhi's weird middle school friend Akira is very good at lying and very bad at being a normally functioning human being. She joins the club seemingly just for fun, lives off of attention and annoying people and unexpectedly gets close to the other hosts and has to deal with her many issues to carry on. Eventual OCx?
1. 1: My Stalker

My Stalker

On a brilliant spring afternoon full of (fake, since it's not the season anymore - to help create the mood) cherry blossoms and the chirping of (real? imported from somewhere? who even knows with these people) birds, scholarship student Haruhi Fujioka is sitting by the window in Music Room Number 3, immersed in a history textbook, seeming troubled - more so than usual, I dare say.

Around her, the preparations for today's spectacle are in full swing. Tamaki moves in circles in his knight attire, proclaiming something about love and beauty and whatnot while a maid is throwing rose petals (probably real, Haruhi's already getting a headache from the smell) all around him, as usual. That maid, hiding in the shadows, always managing to stay invisible. Haruhi wishes she could be like her.

"Haru-chan," it's Honey approaching her, his huge eyes glimmering with concern. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh," she looks up from her book. "It's nothing, senpai."

"Are you sure? You don't look so well - right, Takashi?"

"Ah."

"It's no big-"

"You know," Honey continues, an aura of pink and flowers and small animals surrounding him. "You can tell us anything, and we'll help you, because we're all friends, you know, right? Won't you tell us?"

Well, how can she say no to that face?

"Um, well..." she sighs. "Well, I mean, it's probably nothing, really - it's just - um. I guess I just feel a bit like I'm being watched..? I feel like I'm being followed lately." More so than usual.

"What?" That's Tamaki, who has never heard of manners and not eavesdropping on people's conversations. "What did you say?! Did you hear that, everyone, she says she's being followed! A stalker?! A pervert?! My dear daughter!"

Several shocked gasps and Tamaki almost fainting ensues, followed by screaming, phone calls, whiteboards coming out of nowhere. Haruhi regrets saying anything, like she always does.

"Right, so 24/7 surveillance it is... We'll drive her to school every morning... Make sure there's always a bodyguard around... When did it start, Haruhi?"

"Look," she covers her eyes with her hand, exasperated. "I'm sure it's just my imagination. There's nothing to worry about." She closes her book and gets up.

"Where are you going?! I'm coming with you!"

"Please don't, senpai. I'm just going to the bathroom."

"I can still come, right?"

"There's no way you can! Just let me go!"

She shuts the door, leaving her fellow hosts to discuss various important issues such as why should _you_ take her to school there's no way I can trust you two I can take her just fine and But we live closer to her we're practically neighbors, you know, on top of being _classmates_ -

"Hikaru, what's wrong?" Kaoru asks his brother who is staring into the distance instead of joining the merry argument.

"It's nothing, I was just thinking - have we always had this human-shaped lamp?"

"Human-shaped lamp?"

"Yeah. It totally looks like a real person too."

In the corner, partially hidden by heaps of discarded clothing and accessories, stands a lone lamp in the form of a person crouched on the ground with a lampshade on their head. Kyouya walks over to it, takes the lampshade off, and to everyone's utter shock, the lamp turns out to be an actual person.

It is a student - a boy, looking quite ruffled and out-of-place even if you forget he was a lamp just a moment ago. Blue pants - the hue just a bit off, different from the uniform ones; a shirt that might be just a size too big; no jacket, terrible shoes, terrible blocky glasses; an attire obviously costing many thousands cheaper than something an Ouran student ought to wear.

A commoner.

An incredible mess of white hair - just a bit too long for a guy - which he struggles to get out of his face. Albino features, quite attractive - if unkempt and giving off a hostile vibe.

He gets up quickly, his bangs still getting in his eyes, and sneezes several times. The entirety of the host club is silent, staring at him before Honey tries to offer a handkerchief, which he doesn't accept.

There is another pause. Tamaki and the twins exchange glances and think before coming to a shocking conclusion and turning their attention back to the intruder.

"So," Tamaki starts, giving him his worst glare along with the twins. "It's you who has been following our Haruhi around..?"

"Oh, yes, that would be me," he replies, voice very calm and even. "Um... _Your_ Haruhi? Why- Oh, whatever. But she sure is taking her time there, isn't she? Ah, should I go see if anything's wrong-"

"You're not going anywhere," Hikaru (or Kaoru?) is almost baring his teeth at him. "What the hell is your problem? Why were you following Haruhi? Why were you hiding here?"

"Oh, that-" He's tugging on a strand of his long hair and all of a sudden looks bashful. "I wanted to ask her- for advice, kind of- but I'm a bit shy, you see."

"Hey, what's going on?" It's Haruhi, back at last. "Who is the- wait."

"Fujioka-san!" he brightens immediately, straightens himself and tries to fix his tie, then waves at her. "It's been so long! How have you been?"

"Wait- Is that you, Akira-chan? What are you-"

"Of course, who else would it be?" Akira pushes Tamaki out of the way - almost punching him in the face, completely by accident, of course - to run up to Haruhi, clasp her hand in his and shake it vigorously. "It's been so long! How have you been! I've wanted to see you for so long- I couldn't believe you entered a school like this, it's such a coincidence, really, that I actually just transferred here not so long ago the second I heard I was so happy I guess it's _fate_? Don't you think so too, Fujioka-san, oh and I was surprised to hear you were in a club like this I mean you've never been in a club before - right? - I didn't believe at first and of course I thought you were definitely roped into it, and it looks like I was right - right? - and I-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Tamaki grabs his shoulder and pulls him away. "What are you doing, touching my Haruhi, and what's your problem-"

"Please calm down, senpai. Akira-chan is a friend of mine from middle school," Haruhi manages to get out with much effort for she is already being smothered by the over-protective twins.

"Yep!" chirps Akira. "Oh, please allow me to introduce myself. Izunome Akira, first year, class A. Um, I'm actually your classmate, Fujioka-san, but I only enrolled a week ago."

"You are? I've... never seen you in class."

"Oh!" he brightens more. "You really didn't? I was hiding! You totally couldn't tell I was there, right?"

"Why'd you do that, Akira-chan?"

"You see-"

"Now wait just a moment," the impolite Tamaki interrupts once again. "Akira- _chan_? What kind of relationship do you two have? Well whatever it is, your father will not approve of it!"

"Oh, if you're talking about Ranka-san, he totally approves of me," Akira gives an impossibly wide grin. "So don't even worry about it!"

The other hosts exchange glances - this guy has known Haruhi before and knows her secret, which poses a problem, they think. But what did he come here for?

"So how did you end up here, Fujioka-san?" he says excitedly, sitting down at one of the tables and pouring himself some tea into a teacup more expensive than some of his internal organs. "Please tell me all about it!"

"It's because... I broke this vase," she replies gloomily, joining him at the table once she manages to free herself out of the twins' clutches. "And it was really expensive and obviously I have no way of paying for it, so I started working here and it's been terrible."

"What kind of club even is this, Fujioka-san?"

"It's a host club. Basically the point of it is to... entertain ladies. It's nothing sexual though, I swear."

"Oooh," Akira is impressed. "And you've been doing this - entertaining ladies, and crossdressing - that's so cool."

"I... guess... not really, no."

"Haruhi, what are you doing telling all your secrets to some stranger?" Tamaki is on the verge of tears at this point.

"Akira-chan isn't a stranger, senpai, I'm telling you-"

She is interrupted by an absolutely terrifying sound - unmistakably, the sound of tableware breaking into millions of pieces. All eyes turn to the floor, where the remains of several teacups and a teapot lie in a puddle of their own blood (tea).

"Oh would you look at this," says Akira. "It all broke. Or rather, I broke it. Spilled the tea, too. That must've costed so much! Oh goodness, I'm so clumsy!" He does the totally cute gesture of winking while sticking his tongue out a bit. "Ehehe..."

The hosts are unimpressed.

"What... what did you do that for, Akira-chan?" Haruhi asks, quite worried.

"I guess I have no choice," he sighs sadly. "but to work here to repay my debt, right? I cannot believe this."

"No you don't," Kaoru (or Hikaru?) growls. "There's no way we can let a creep like you work here."

"Why not? I have no money to pay for this, and I'm very cute and good with girls. Also, I have albinism, so I'm already way more interesting than most of you," he grins. "Just try me, it'll be a blast - and Fujioka-san can confirm I'm totally reliable and a good worker - right, Fujioka-san?" He stares at her with eyes that say "I have no money. Do this for me".

Haruhi sighs for the hundred and eleventh time. "Yeah, Akira-chan will probably be good at this. I mean, I have no idea why you would _want_ to, but-"

"Yes!" Akira jumps from his seat and clutches Haruhi's hand again. "Thanks so much!"

The twins drag him away from the girl by his collar, then turn their eyes to Tamaki. He's leaning on a wall, not showing any signs of life before finally saying: "I... guess it's fine... If Haruhi says so... and that tea set was pretty expensive..." He frowns at Akira and strides up to him. "But the second you do something suspicious, we're throwing you out. And we can't let you work looking like this. I admit you have potential but you need a decent haircut at least!"

"Sure! I'm up for anything as long as I'm not the one paying for it!"

And so the hosts commence the operation "Turn this weirdo into a decent host instead of our club activities which got mysteriously postponed like they always do when we need them to".

A new uniform is brought over just as the twins finish giving Akira a stylish haircut - they cut the hair shorter, give him bangs of a normal length, and leave one strand in the front longer than the rest.

"Thank you so much! I love it!" he smiles, admiring his new look in the mirror. "Okay, I'm going to try this on now, so you guys have to leave the room for a bit."

"Why? We're all guys here."

"Not really. I'm a girl, you see. You know, with boobs and all."

There's a pause with Hikaru and Kaoru staring at Akira (probably trying to find any boobs on her person) and her smiling and waiting patiently.

"Tono? Can you come over here for a second?"

 **A/N: Hi! This is my first Ouran fic, and the first fic I'd written in a really long while, so I'm a bit rusty, but hopefully I can get into this whole fanfiction business again soon. Also, English isn't my first language so there's that too! But I really hope you liked this chapter. I enjoy writing this OC a lot and I'd love to hear what you think of her! So please review. Critique is much appreciated. I'm really excited to be working on this story and I hope reading it will be just as fun. I hope you have a good day and thanks for reading! :)**


	2. 2: A Fresh Start

It only gets quiet when the sun is close to setting, coloring everything in orange and pink. The birds seem to have stopped chirping and the fake cherry blossoms are no longer brought into Music Room №3 by the wind. Club activities have been cancelled for today and the Host Club seems somewhat distraught and strangely quiet. The twins are anxiously waiting for something, raising their heads to look at each other now and then, Kyoya is making notes at twice his usual speed; even Honey and Mori are a bit worried, though that doesn't stop the smaller boy from stuffing his face as usual and doesn't get the bigger boy to change his expression the slightest bit. Only Haruhi is calm and happy with the few minutes of peace she gets with Akira changing, and is trying to do her homework, hiding behind piles of textbooks. The King of the Host Club is leaning on a wall, his hand covering the side of his face dramatically, and looking like he is about to shed (beautiful) tears.

"Haruhi," he calls out, his voice hoarse and filled with sorrow as he raises his head to stare into the distance. "Why don't you have any normal friends?"

"Please stop insulting my friends, senpai," Haruhi glares at him, a stern frown on her face. "Like you're the one to talk about what is normal anyway. Akira-chan is definitely more normal than you."

"Why did she follow you around, then?" He is suddenly in her face and much too close. "How do you explain this? She pretended to be a lamp. A lamp!"

"You're to close," Haruhi tries to push his face away. "And she's just really shy. I'm sure she just got scared with all those people here, and because you guys are really weird."

Tamaki wobbles away from Haruhi's table, shaken up from being called weird by his own (not really) daughter. He slumps in the corner just in time for Akira to come into the room after changing into a new boy's uniform, grinning. It suits her very well, seeing as she has a rather lanky boyish figure, though not as long-limbed as most of her fellow club members.

"What do you think?" She twirls to let the others appreciate her better, seeming very pleased with her new outfit.

"You look great, Akira-chan." Haruhi smiles, though it is a bit strained as she wishes Akira would spend a couple more lifetimes in the changing room and let her study in peace.

"Yeah," one of the twins sighs, exchanging glances with the other. "This might just work."

"Thank you, everyone," she even bows. "I can keep this, right?"

"I guess." Hikaru and Kaoru come up to her, circling her rather menacingly and frowning. "But this is only the beginning. Good looks are important, but you still don't have a _type_."

"A type?" she walks over to Haruhi's table and sits beside her. All expensive tableware is promptly taken from it by an invisible force to be replaced by disposable cups and plates . "What do you mean?"

Tamaki swiftly revives himself to stand in the center of the room. "You see, Akira-kun," he begins, regaining his composure. "Everyone in the club has a type that makes them more appealing. I," he poses dramatically with roses brought out of nowhere. "Am the prince type. And Kyoya here-"

He goes on in front of a rather disinterested Akira, who prefers to take peeks at Haruhi's notes and giggle for no apparent reason. This behavior doesn't go unnoticed by the King and he is pissed off once again.

"If you don't care, then just leave," he grumbles, rather personally offended.

"Oh no, senpai, I am very interested. I am listening very carefully. You're the prince type, Ootori-senpai is the cool type, Morinozuka-senpai is the wild type, Haninozuka-senpai is the loli-shota type, Hitachiin-kun-tachi are the little devil type… and Fujioka-san here is the natural type, right, I'm right? Please go on, I am so-o-o interested." She straightens up in her chair and folds her hands on her knees to show how interested she is, staring at him, unblinking. Tamaki is not quite sure if he should be pissed or not, and decides to continue.

"As you see, being a Host without a type is impossible. We decide on a type based on the nature of the host, so we don't just act. It's who we are!" Dramatic hand motion. "With you - I am honestly not sure what type you could be, Akira-kun."

Akira seems thoughtful and tugs on the longer strand of her hair.

"A type... I am not sure myself. I never thought I had one. But neither did Fujioka-san, right?" she smiles, looking at Haruhi, who shrugs and nods. "So I'll figure this out eventually!"

"Oh really," Tamaki gives her a sour look. "Are you really as good with girls as you claim to be, anyway? Didn't you say you were shy?"

"No, no, not at all," Akira shakes her head vigorously. "I'm very outgoing and not shy at all."

"But..." he takes a step back, frowning. "But you literally just said you were shy. And Haruhi just... Didn't you pretend to be a lamp because you were shy?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, senpai!" she smiles brightly and waves her hand in a dismissive motion. "Anyway," she turns to Haruhi, looking at her with the eyes of a puppy gazing up at its owner. "Why did you cut your hair, Fujioka-san? It was so beautiful- I mean, it still is! Your haircut really suits you."

"Wait, you didn't answer!"

"Oh, a neighborhood kid put some gum into it and I cut it all off. And thanks."

" _Really_? The _exact_ same thing happened to me, actually! What a coincidence, I can't believe it!"

"…Are you ignoring me? Haruhi, didn't you say she was shy?"

"I guess..? But it really is such a coincidence!"

A dejected Tamaki has to lean onto a column for support. "Mom," he mumbles. "This friend is evil."

"Isn't she," says Kyoya. His hand has stopped taking notes and he is staring at something unidentifiable, thinking and calculating.

"I mean… I was kind of glad when she said she was a girl, because Haruhi shouldn't be friends with any stranger boys - I as the father won't approve! - and she needs more girl friends to embrace her feminine side and realize who she was meant to be and wear dresses and be cute and…" He is lost in his fantasies for a minute but comes back into the real world rather quickly, unable to fool around in the wake of such disaster. "But this is worse than a boy. She's _weird_."

"Isn't she." Kyoya shuts his notebook all of a sudden and walks up to the happily conversing couple.

"We'll decide on your type after observing you, and before that you will not start your work as a host," he states. "Until you are ready to start, you'll do chores. Keep in mind that you're only kept here because of your unusual looks and Haruhi, and can be kicked out any second if you get any weirder."

"Kyoya-senpai, isn't that a bit-"

"Yes, sir!" Akira salutes and even stands up. "Wow, would you look at the time! I really need to go home now. Um… Can I have my glasses back? I can't see a thing."

"No way," Hikaru and Kaoru say in unison. "You're never wearing these monstrosities again. We're getting you contacts."

"Oh really… I don't like contacts very much. They hurt my eyes, you see."

"Beauty," Tamaki makes a sudden appearance. "Is sometimes about pain, too."

"Are you telling me I can get weirder than this, senpai?" Akira whispers to Kyoya loud enough for everyone to hear.

"You do not need to reach that level to get kicked out. I'd say his level is rather unattainable."

"So it seems!" she whispers again and gives the annoyed Tamaki a large smile. "Well, I'll be going! See you tomorrow! Let's be great friends!"

The breezy morning comes and Akira and Haruhi come to school together (because they live so close to each other and take the same train, seriously, what a coincidence!) and sit through their classes, with the twins only coming to bother Haruhi once in a while, for they are facing an unexpected obstacle in the form of a certain girl with white hair.

She's wearing the boy's uniform and her new contacts, like she's been told to, and looks quite dashing and passes as a boy without any issues. It just so happened that for some reason, no one in the class noticed her presence for an entire week, and she never did a self-introduction either, so her sudden appearance causes a bout of whispering in the halls. She finally decides to do the self-introduction, smiling very brightly, and mentioning that she is now a part of the Host Club as well. This, of course, brings a lot of interest to her person, and during the breaks she is surrounded by crowds of curious girls – even from different classes. She converses with them and makes a good impression with ease, though noticeably keeps a bit of a distance and gives off a sort of a mysterious aura. So naturally, by the end of classes, the mob of girls interested in the affairs of the Host Club is dying to see her in club, and the fact that there are now four hosts in a single class is apparently making people bang on the principal's door to ask for a transfer to 1-A.

The only things Akira herself seems to be interested in, though, is Haruhi. Every time the suddenly popular girl gets a free second, she is at her friend's desk, her smile wider and laugh happier that ever. She watches Haruhi very carefully, and glares at the twins whenever they so much as look at her. This doesn't go unnoticed by the excited girls, either, and the entire school is soon flooding with rumors of their forbidden love, which immediately reach the ears of the Ouran's number one all-knowing bordering-on-stalker club manager.

By the time the two female hosts open the Music Room's door, it seems like there is a discussion between Kyoya and a girl known as Renge going on – or rather, it's Renge almost yelling, very emotional, and drawing giant charts that look suspiciously like shipping charts on a whiteboard, while Kyoya looks like he is quite eager to kill someone, not necessarily Renge. Haruhi pretends she doesn't see any of this and sits in a corner with a textbook, while Akira observes the charts with curiosity.

Kyoya orders for the whiteboard to be taken away before she can get a good look, though, fixes his glasses and is about to say something when Renge is suddenly right in front of Akira.

"So it's you! The rumored transfer student!" she says in excitement, looks her up and down, then grabs her chin and stares into her pale blue eyes. "And it's real, too? The albinism, I mean."

"It's real," Akira grasps Renge's wrist and squeezes it with just a bit too much force. "Stop touching me."

Renge releases the host's face, takes a few steps back, rubbing her wrist, and starts talking very fast. "This is excellent material. Oh! Can you believe this? Haruhi, who was already in a love quadruple, now has yet another admirer? A pair of brothers! A prince type loved by everyone (who is actually very lonely)! And now, even a childhood friend?! What will happen of this?! Rivalry! Unexpected combinations?! So many possibilities! Renge can have three, no, five, no, ten bowls of rice!" she twirls around, surrounded by sparkles. "Oh, and as for his host work - he doesn't even need to do anything but be charming and hang around Haruhi. A childhood friend with unrequited feelings, hiding the pain of a forbidden love behind a smile, who wouldn't want to comfort him? – oh, and a tragic backstory! Do you have any tragic backstory? Bullying, abuse, dead parents – everything works."

"Um," Akira manages to give a strained smile. "I guess I have one that's rather tragic-"

"Excellent!" Renge claps her hands once, then gives Kyoya a look that's half annoyed and half heartbroken. "I'll take my leave now, because my advice is never wanted here!" She walks to a chair very loudly, sits on it and is then taken underground with a very loud sound of a very big motor.

Hearing the motor, the twins peek into the room from behind the door. "Did she leave yet?"

"I think she just did," says Akira, looking rather nervous; she's rubbing her hands together, and is seen scowling for the first time. "Who was that?"

"It's Renge," one of the twins says like it explains anything, entering the room. "She just appears from the floor sometimes to give us useless advice. Don't mind her."

"…I'll try." Akira sighs and regains her composure in a matter of seconds, a small smile returning to her lips, her eyes not reflecting any of her previous worry.

Kyoya clears his throat. "So what I was going to say is," he turns to look at her, his eyes totally saying 'I'm blaming you for what just happened'. "For now, why don't you try hosting with Haruhi? Of course, it won't be like with the twins, but-" he looks at his notes. "It seems like your relationship is of great interest to our clients, and your popularity is unexpectedly high despite the fact you've _supposedly_ only been here for a week." Akira has to genuinely smile at that, though it's almost immediately replaced by her usual so-fake-it-could-actually-be-genuine grin.

"Oooh!" she clasps her hands in excitement. "That would be really, really great, senpai! Does that mean I don't have to do chores?"

"So it seems."

A very tired sigh can be heard from behind her as Tamaki decides to show himself. He puts a hand on her shoulder and glares at her, and she tilts her head to the side in what is supposed to be a cute gesture.

"Club activities start in two minutes," he announces. "I hope you are ready." He then narrows his eyes and does his best being threatening: "I'll be watching you, so don't pull anything weird."

" _You_ 'll be watching me?" She shakes his hand off and the air around her suddenly changes. "I think I ought to be watching you, instead. What is this 'love quadruple' thing? Does this mean three people are pursuing Fujioka-san, including you?"

Tamaki is taken aback and tries to argue ("NO! What are you suspecting the father of!") but is interrupted rudely – Akira seems quite upset, though she doesn't lose her now rather creepy smile. "When she's obviously not interested? Is this why you made her join this club? Is this why you make her do all these-" she makes vague hand gestures. "Things? Listen here, senpai, if I see _you_ pulling something weird, I swear you will regret it." She puts her hands on her hips, very proud of herself, and nods thoughtfully. Her return to the chipper attitude is as abrupt as almost everything else about her.

"Now, if you'll excuse me!" She walks up to Haruhi, making very quick small steps, carrying an image of a dog wagging its tail in excitement. "Fujioka-sa-a-an!"

Club activities carry on as always, almost. The spacious room is soon filled to the brim with the happy laugher of people devoid of any real responsibility and troubles, the smell of expensive perfume, sweets, and flowers.

The table Haruhi and Akira are seated at attracts a lot of customers – Haruhi's regulars and those just curious about the new face. Despite her animosity towards Renge, Akira seems to have remembered the strange girl's words, and pain and loneliness are seen in her eyes despite her smile, especially since she makes sure to throw wistful glances at Haruhi and sigh in sorrow at regular intervals. This doesn't fail to cause a big fuss among the clients; they look at the new host with eyes full of tears and hearts full of moe. They can't seem to stop fainting and squealing, and at some point there is almost a line of those waiting for their turn to shed tears onto Akira's jacket, though the other hosts do everything in their power to not allow this unsightly commoner tradition to take place.

The girls ask Akira all sorts of questions, mainly: "So _what_ is your relationship with Haruhi?". After the childhood friends, forbidden love thing is mostly cleared up, they start with the more casual ones, about her hobbies ("Um, I enjoy cooking and sewing very much! That's pretty girly, huh? I just kind of had to learn because my mother was never there to do this and I had to take care of my younger siblings and-" Here she gets into the tragic backstory) and about their middle school times. Whenever customers change, Akira's answers also change – just a tiny bit, though, not enough to complain about, but maybe just enough to notice. If you'd cared to, of course.

Club finishes a little later than usual today, as it gets a little hard to get the customers to leave, but in the end they all still exit the room politely. After Akira waves her last goodbye and the last fluffy yellow dress disappears behind the door, the new host sighs very, very tiredly, then jumps up from her seat, setting her hands on the table with a bang.

"How'd I do?" she almost screams. "How'd I do, hey!"

There is a silence lasting about thirty-five seconds before Kyoya fixes his glasses that technically did not need to be fixed, and looks at his notes. "You did… alright. I'd say the number of Haruhi's clients increased by about thirty percent because of your presence, and the number of your own customers was… also satisfactory."

"See!" she bangs her hands on the table one more time. "I told you it would be a blast! Oh, man, it was fun! Did you have fun, Fujioka-san? I was so nervous but once I started it was pretty easy and you were really great too-" Akira is about to share her impressions of every single one of the clients, but suddenly gasps, her hand covering her mouth. "Oh my gosh, would you look at the time! I completely forgot- I have to leave now!" Grabbing her bag that she had carelessly thrown into the corner before club started, she is suddenly at the door all too quickly. "I have some really important business to take care of, you see, so I shall leave now. Thanks for having me! See you tomorrow!" She bows, then straightens and waves at them, smiling, then slams the door shut and runs down the hallway, hoping for her train to not be late so she can come home soon to beat up her brother.

 **A/N: Finally done! I kind of had troubles because I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do with the plot and Akira's character. It's all fine now though, almost. You might have noticed I changed the name of the love interest in the summary to a question mark. That's because I don't know who it will be just yet. Right now the most likely candidate is Kyoya, which is kind of weird because I actually almost forgot he existed when writing the first chapter. But as of now, everyone except Honey is fair game, so… there's that.**

 **I think my writing is really rushed and not descriptive enough buuut that's what I'm writing fics for. To get better. I hope I will by the time I finish writing this!**

 **I have a lot of stuff planned and I'm really excited! Thanks to everyone who favorited and followed and reviewed! Love you guys, hope you liked the chapter and tell me what you think :)**


	3. 3: A Sad Girl

Akira lets out an unsightly squeal as a large colorful bird descends onto her head once again. "Get this thing away from me!" she shrieks, running through the makeshift jungle the club room has become at top speed, flailing her arms. Her screams remain unheard, however, as the other hosts are too busy getting half naked in the changing rooms; the bird chirps and Akira screeches in horror.

"Seriously, it's going to kill me!" The girl finds herself backed into a corner at last, trying to cover her head with her arms, all her attempts to escape futile. She's only been in the room for a minute and hasn't even had time to complain about anything, what on earth could this divine punishment be for?

"She really does seem to be hated by animals," one of the twins observes, walking out of the changing room in his sparkling new Bali-themed outfit which barely consists of any clothing.

"I'm going to die," Akira's hoarse voice calls out from her corner, where she is curled up in a ball, seeming to have given up on trying to escape the bird's claws. "That, or it rips all of my hair out and I kill myself from the trauma."

"Fine, fine," the other twin stalks out of the changing room, sporting an outfit identical to his brother's. "Help me out here, Kaoru."

Together they manage to at least temporarily distract the bird with treats and what seems eerily similar to speaking in bird language while Akira retreats to the bathroom looking like – well, like she just got attacked by a giant angry tropical bird. After several minutes of fussing on her own, though, she has to come out and begrudgingly ask the twins to help her get her appearance back in order, which they begrudgingly do.

They throw her into a chair in front of a mirror in one of the changing rooms, an array of brushes and makeup kits spread out haphazardly on the tables surrounding her, and get to working their magic.

"Wow!" Akira exclaims, her mood changing from suicidal to excited in a matter of seconds. "I can't even see this scratch anymore! How do you do that? You're real pros!"

"That we are," says one of them, and as much as she exerts her brain, she can't tell which one of the twins it is. They're too good. "You only just noticed?" says the other one.

"How'd you learn to do all of this, by the way?" she asks, fascinated by the fast movements of the brushes morphing her face into something slightly different, the expert strokes making it impossible to tell she's even wearing any makeup unless you look closely. "The makeup, and the hair styling, and the other stuff…"

"Because our mother works in the industry." No further explanation follows, only a hairbrush tugging on her messy locks none-too-gently with little regard to her comfort.

"We'll probably have to do this everyday for a while, though," says a twin after several moments of silence. "Since it'll scar. Damned bird."

"It wouldn't have had to scar if you didn't ignore me screaming all this time," the girl muses. "I will destroy you for that when I don't need you anymore, by the way."

"Can't you, like," the other twins chimes in, ignoring her accusation. "Get into an accident or something tomorrow or after club so we don't have to bother?"

"I can definitely have an accident where both of you die."

"She could also go missing or something until it heals. I definitely wouldn't mind that."

"Pass me that brush, Hikaru."

"Here you go."

They finish their masterpiece – a natural, casual 'I totally didn't almost get killed just now' look for her – in complete silence interrupted only by the sounds of the birds, the louder ones making Akira jump and the twins scold her for not being able to stay still. Somehow, though – she realizes she isn't even that mad at them. Death threats are her usual means of communication with the two, but she actually rather likes them when they aren't leaving her to be killed by a bird, especially since they apply eyeliner like gods.

When they throw the brushes onto the nearest table, leaving their things to be cleaned up by maids, and return to the club room, she stays in the chair – staring at her reflection, thinking about how when she scrubs the layers upon layers of this stuff off of her face in the evening, she can probably scare the hell out of her little sisters with those scars and bruises. She gets up and looks at the elegant clock hanging by the ceiling – club activities, which have been postponed slightly because of the tropical fauna incident, will begin in mere minutes. She can hear the door of the club room open and the other hosts chorus "Welcome!" – it is, of course, only Haruhi, wondering what on earth this place is; Akira notes she should never try to go to club without her friend again, as there are too many dangers one could encounter in this scary, scary place that one simply cannot deal with alone. There's no way there are birds in this world that would hate or attack Haruhi, after all.

She is humming under her breath as she exits the changing room to see Haruhi uncertainly reminding the other hosts that it's only April only to be forced to listen to Tamaki's excited and pompous speech about their amazing heating and cooling system. She takes a deep breath, inhaling the tropical scents, plops down onto a chair, a heavy sigh escaping her, and glares at the many, many birds sitting all over the place, wishing Haruhi would soon come and talk to her so she could feel less like dying.

* * *

"How boring," Akira murmurs as she sets her teacup onto the table with a bit too much force, which produces a bang loud enough to not let her words be heard by her clients. Looking up briefly, she catches Kyoya glaring at her over his notes from across the room – he must've heard the sound even though he's so far away, and will threaten to take away her tea and sweets privileges when he gets the chance. _What big ears you have, Grandmother_ – _or Mother in this case, I suppose._ Akira rubs the edge of the fragile pink cup; she's technically not allowed to use any tea sets, but having her use disposable cups in front of the guests would be too much of a disgrace, so it is permitted for the duration of club activities. She gives the boy a polite smile before turning back to her clients and, most importantly, her strawberry shortcake.

Answering some questions about her favorite sweets, she tries to steal glances at Haruhi. Her friend is sitting several tables away, busy entertaining this insolent girl who had the nerve to insist on seeing her privately several days in a row, ignoring all the other clients who are much too polite to demand their turn. The host and the girl are sharing what seems like a rather intimate conversation, both smiling, leaning over the table slightly. Akira's mood, according to her character, is supposed to be one of annoyance fueled by jealousy, but she doesn't even have to feign any emotion this time. She frowns at her tea slightly. A sad girl indeed.

She is rather enjoying the 'forbidden love' whisperings and the amount of attention she's getting, though; the girls talk quieter than usual around her, tearing up at every sigh she lets out – it is not everyday they witness such gay drama, after all. Still, the annoying girl needs to know her place, even if Akira is forced to suppress millions of amazing revenge plans she has filling up her head – she would be thrown out of the club in a matter of seconds and have to sell her body or something to pay off the debt if she even started acting on any of these, she is sure. Or maybe she could–

"Akira-kun, are you coming to the dance party?" The question from the girl with the pigtails who's become one of Akira's regulars – Seiko, if she remembers correctly – brings the female host back to reality.

"Oh yes, I am," she says, carefully cutting her cake. "I am rather excited. I've never been to a dance party before. Though I can't really dance, I'd like to see what it's all about." She stuffs the strawberry in her mouth.

"Akira-kun, you can't dance? Not even waltz?" gasps the one with the longest mane of shiny black hair Akira has ever seen, whose name she recalls is Tsukino.

"I don't," the girl looks up from behind her snow white eyelashes and gives her most dazzling smile. "If you'd like to teach me the steps... I can't say I would mind."

Tsukino gasps, again, as the girls around her squeal, and stutters about being happy to. Akira eats the last pieces of the cake before folding her hands in her lap and grinning. _Free dance lesson, score._

Humming softly, she looks up only to meet Kyoya's eyes that are glaring at her again. _What'd I do_ this _time?_ Akira is genuinely confused for once. _Won't let that ruin my day, though._ She wonders loudly if there's any more cake, enjoying the way the girls start fussing and demanding seconds. Honey-senpai runs up to her table – probably after hearing someone say 'cake' – to bother her with his usual cuteness routine, and ends up stuffing his Usa-chan into her less-than-welcoming hands. She has a couple of moments of peace, the girls' attention shifting to the small boy, and she decides to spend them making eye contact with her dark-haired senpai and seeing which one of them blinks first. He doesn't seem to appreciate the game, though, and turns away the second he realizes she's having fun with this glaring contest. Akira almost pouts and squeezes the bunny tighter. _Rude!_ She starts twirling the teacup in her hands carelessly, dangling it on her fingers, having it come dangerously close to falling, all the while staring at Kyoya, waiting for him to make eye contact again. When he raises his head from his notes and notices her, she greets him with a grin so wide it actually reaches her eyes. Upon seeing her treatment of the cup, he slams his notebook shut, unamused, and is about to start approaching her. Akira immediately looks away, sets her cup back onto the table almost carefully and begins stuffing her face with the cake, trying her best to stop herself from laughing and choking on it. Her little episode seems to have gone unnoticed by the girls – there is a small commotion around the table as Honey and Takashi are doing their performance – and she still has a bit of time to finish eating and think.

She and Kyoya have come to have a rather fulfilling relationship lately, after he and Renge worked together to affectionately name her type "The Tragic Secretly Gay Heartbroken and Lovesick (Both Mentally And Physically) Bishounen", the physical sickness part being related to the fact that her 'sickly' appearance apparently struck a chord in some hearts as a somehow moe attribute. Akira has never been more delighted to hear a string of barely related words before in her life.

Kyoya is, if she is honest, among the least annoying ones of the bunch. The worst he would do was make snarky remarks, threaten her and talk to himself, saying fake deep one-liners while staring into the distance like he was being filmed. Granted, he does know a bit more about the school's security than the others, so maybe they _are_ actually constantly on film or in a shoujo anime or something terrifying like that and he is the only one acting appropriately, but she doesn't think too much about that.

He would also scold her, but he is nowhere as bad as Tamaki, who has taken it upon himself to be a gentleman wisdom tutor, a father even more annoying and useless than her own and a life coach simultaneously. That is definitely a bit too much; you could say that 'being too much' is, in fact, his profession and his biggest talent.

The twins aren't bad, either, and she's actually enjoyed their company on more than one occasion and could definitely see herself having lots of illegal, or at least barely legal and definitely morally wrong fun with them in the future, but seeing them hang way too close around Haruhi is also perhaps too much, even if they aren't as bad as the King. Still, they seem to understand her sense of humor best and are the only ones to ever play along, which she appreciates immensely – even if they do treat her the way they do, but it is not that big of a problem, she's had worse. Looking over her shoulder, she can see them in the middle of a passionate scene, tears – which Akira assumes are fake, but she wouldn't put it past them to be able to produce real ones – brimming in their eyes, the squeals of the girls almost deafening. Their performances never fail to even impress her a little, as they are the only ones in the club who are actually acting and not just being enormous weirdos – with the exception of Kyoya, but he's a different story, after all. He is actually smart, which is apparently a very rare quality in this school, seems to hate her very existence and finds her incredibly irritating when she so much as breathes in his presence. He is fun to annoy, and fun to impress, and not so fun when he increases her debt every time she gets on his nerves – she suspects he's working on adding zeroes to it at this very moment, for the pretending-to-try-to-break-more-tableware episode, and also for distracting him – and while in Haruhi's case it is clear the debt will all be forgotten and forgiven, as everyone loves her and finds her cute, but in Akira's, she often finds herself wondering whether Kyoya is planning to have her work as his slave for eternity to pay it off after they all graduate.

 _Well_ , she muses. _Won't let_ _ **that**_ _one ruin my day, that's for sure._

"Aki-chan, Aki-chan!" She actually jumps a bit from that, having been too lost in her thoughts to notice the tiny senpai tugging on her sleeve. "Do you like my Usa-chan?"

She smiles widely at him. "I do, Honey-senpai, he is very soft."

"He is! I can let you hold him for the day!"

"Oh, but it wouldn't do to have you be separated for so long!" she says. "He says he misses you."

"Usa-chan…" Honey's large eyes fill with tears in a matter of nanoseconds, and those definitely aren't fake. "Is it true? You missed me? I'm sorry…" There is some ruckus as the girls of the Honey-Mori faction start falling over and having heart attacks.

"It's okay, senpai. I'm sure he is not upset, he is happy to see you." Honey grabs the toy she is holding out to him, babbling something, and Akira leans back in her seat; she is honestly not sure what this one was about and what made her act like that. Totally out of character. Well, she does have a soft spot for cute things.

As the girls sitting at her table are too busy following the Usa-chan drama to pay attention to her – bless her senpai for being such a great distraction – she glances up at Mori, who is towering over her, looking much like a bodyguard cosplaying as a high schooler. She can't recall if she's ever exchanged any words with him, and it wouldn't do to not get along with the bodyguard, so she says:

"Nice weather, huh?" Well, that was pretty stupid, but he doesn't seem to be one for deep conversations, anyway.

"Ah." And there you have it. She doesn't try to talk to him anymore, but somehow the silence with him doesn't seem awkward, and calling it comfortable maybe isn't even too much of a stretch. Honey then runs off to the other side of the room, and Mori starts taking slow big steps in his direction while the girls turn back to her. Akira gives a smile.

She attacks her cake with the vigor of a man who's spent a month in the forest eating grass and returns to her merry conversation with Tsukino, Seiko and – what was it again? Reika? – for the time being.

* * *

Two clumsy pairs are twirling across the club room in an unsteady waltz. Akira gets the hang of this dancing thing rather quickly, but keeps looking at Haruhi over her shoulder, which messes up her steps quite a bit; Tsukino, the poor thing, can't find it in herself to complain even when the host steps all over her feet – she is too preoccupied with the moe of the situation. Akira can see the sun setting from the corner of her eye, delighted to know the dance lesson is soon to be over when a loud crash is heard behind her. She immediately stops twirling and spins around, her partner only letting out a small sigh when she almost falls over. Hahuri and what's-her-face are sprawled on the floor, the host hovering over the other girl in a rather provocative position. Akira inhales sharply while Tsukino tightens her hold on the white-haired host's wrist, swiftly taking out her handkerchief to wipe at her eyes, overcome by emotion. Murmuring can be heard from the other pair as the annoying girl hooks her arms around Haruhi's neck. Akira turns back to her partner, once again part glad part irritated she doesn't even need to hide the emotion apparent on her face; she can swear Tsukino and the other girls watching from afar are about to go into cardiac arrest. Akira goes back into the 'quick, quick, slow' motion, this time not even pretending to care about not destroying her partner's feet. She isn't that invested in the idea of actually dancing during the party, anyway.

The guests give a quiet polite applause when the girls finish their practice, and Akira bows as gracefully as she can, careful to get back into her usual demeanor – but not too cheerful or that would be just weird – and gives Tsukino a small apologetic smile. The long-haired girl nods frantically, and Akira can't be quite sure if she is sobbing because of the truly tragic love triangle – or whatever messed up geometric figure it is at this point – or because she won't be able to walk on these feet tomorrow, but also can't really bring herself to care. _She seems like a masochist anyway, that one._ Turning away from her, the host tugs on her best smile and sprints to the distraught Tamaki, who is assuming a sorrowful pose on the windowsill; yellow dresses all over the room start to rustle and head for the door, the Akira faction throwing dirty looks at Kasuga-hime who is happily conversing with Haruhi with no intention to leave.

"What was it again?" Akira grins at the club president. "We have to learn how to dance, and you won't reveal that we are girls to the school? Well," she puts her hands on her hips, a triumphant look on her face. "As you can see, we both can do it quite well!"

"Nobody was talking about revealing _your_ gender, Akira," the twins chime in, speaking in their sing-song manner, hovering over her. "Nobody cares about you."

"Nobody's talking to you, choke." Her smile doesn't falter as she narrows her eyes at the King, who doesn't seem to hear anything, so she turns away to head for the changing room to pick up her bag. "Well... I'm done here for today, so see you guys at the party? You two better pick out a really dashing outfit for me, or I'll bite your heads off!"

She is about to voice a really funny threat she just thought of when she is interrupted by – unexpectedly, a boy entering the club room, announcing he has brought the ordered teacups. Haruhi walks up to speak to him, and Akira quickly makes her way over to them – she is just in time to hear Kyoya explaining how they always order cups from Suzushima Trading and see Kasuga-hime look like her heart has been broken into thousands of pieces. _This looks like some exceptionally boring drama, but I better listen up,_ the female host muses, leaning on the wall. When Suzushima leaves, Kasuga-hime has a tsundere outburst and promptly runs out of the room, only to have her apparently unfortunate situation be discussed in detail by the club members. Akira appreciates Kyoya's elegant black binder containing information on all the people connected with the club in any way which he takes out of nowhere – _I simply can't wait for him to use the stuff he's dug up on me to blackmail me. Gotta love this place_ – but she can't seem to figure out where exactly Kasuga's problem lies, and upon hearing Tamaki start speaking of a plan, has a desire to run and hide in the bathroom. Which she does, actually.

The planning out of the mission to save the teacup girl from whatever it is they are saving her from only finishes when it's pitch dark outside, and Akira can see Haruhi is as tired as she is. She can't help being glad to not be alone even if she doesn't really wish for Haruhi to have to deal with this. They both go into the changing room to pick up their schoolbags, complaining about the damn rich people who are busy calling their fancy drivers to tell them to pick them up in their fancy cars. Haruhi says her goodbyes and Akira just waves, too tired to bother, and they embark on a journey down the unnecessarily long and dark hallways of the Ouran Academy.

They walk in a rather unusual, but comfortable silence; Akira doesn't even make any small talk, staring straight ahead, and is a bit taken aback when she hears Haruhi speak up.

"Are you getting along well with them, Akira-chan? You seem to be having some... issues." The dark-haired girl turns her head to look at her friend. "I know you can act like–," she pauses, trying to think of a word, and seems to fail, but she's probably referencing the death threats. " _that_ for fun, but if they're giving you a hard time, you don't have to come here for me."

"No, no, no, no!" Akira throws her hands up in a dismissive motion, shaking her head frantically. "It's totally fine, Fujioka-san. I'm getting along with them, and I'm having fun!" She nods enthusiastically, smiling. The threats weren't even the real thing anyway. "Besides... it's not like I can just leave with that debt, can I? But I don't want to anyway, I honestly don't." She can tell she's speaking faster than usual, unable to fight the nervousness mixed with excitement she always feels around Haruhi.

"Well, that's true," Haruhi sighs and gives her a sympathetic smile. Akira's heart swells. She is so happy to have her best friend. "I'm glad it's fun for you, and I have to say it's been better for me too since you joined, though I don't really see why you enjoy it."

"I guess I just," Akira stuffs her hands in her pockets, turning away from her dear friend to hide her face. "Like meeting new people."

They walk in silence for a while before Haruhi breaks it again, making Akira jump: "There's a sale on eggs and chicken in the supermarket on Sunday, did you know? Want to come with me?"

"Yes!" the girl says just a bit too loudly, the spring returning to her step. "I'd love to, Fujioka-san."

* * *

Akira drags herself to the nearest table on barely moving legs and plops onto the chair. As comfortable as men's clothes and shoes are – the light gray suit with the purple tie that the twins have picked out for her being the exact amount of dashing she was expecting from them – she feels like her feet are on fire from dancing without a single break for what seems like hours. There were supposed to be only a couple of girls who were interested in dancing with her, yet she kept getting a partner after a partner; she could barely manage to get them to allow her to sit down for a moment, and she can still feel the gazes of dozens of girls on her, watching her every move, ready to jump into her arms the second she makes a move to get up. And it would've been fine, maybe, but they all insist on _talking_ to her, which is definitely absolutely too much; she's got a dizzying headache. _Can't they request me when I'm actually getting paid for it? Well, not technically paid, but at least getting something out of it,_ she thinks, leaning back and propping her head up, and scans the room for Haruhi. She was _supposed_ to be with her this evening, but suddenly all of the hosts got busy with their damn plan, and she was sent by Kyoya to entertain the guests as she had spent the entire planning session hiding in the bathroom the day before, and didn't exactly get a part in the mission. Tamaki accompanied her for a while, but then disappeared as well; an entire huge hall filled to the brim with girls and she is the only one of the hosts they can latch onto. _I'm going to have nightmares about this for the rest of my life_.

"Tired?" says one of the redhead twins, suddenly materializing right in front of her. Akira jumps in her seat, and narrows her eyes, which are tired and starting to hurt from the contacts. She feels like the makeup is melting right off of her face, but she couldn't care less at this point.

"'Tired' doesn't even begin to describe it," Akira says dramatically. "I don't think I'll be able to walk anytime soon. And it's all your fault."

"Not ours," they shrug. "It was all tono's idea. Anyway, we'll be coming out on the balcony soon, so you should get going."

"Balcony? What for?" she wonders, but does try to stand up. She grips the edge of the table for support, but is suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness and almost falls over; to her surprise, one of twins actually does her the favor of gripping her elbow to help her get into an upright position. "Thanks," she huffs.

"Sure," he says, letting go of her arm and taking a step back. "Want a banana?"

"Huh?" she frowns, wobbling into the direction the crowd of the girls begins walking in. "Uh, okay?"

He shoves the fruit he's gotten out of nowhere into her hand, and both of the twins take out ones of their own, walking alongside her. Akira peels her banana, noting with irritation that her hands are shaking a bit. Her stomach growls loudly, as she's been too busy to try anything from the table – not even any fancy tuna – but, for some reason, she can't find any the strength to eat the fruit. She suddenly realizes that her vision is blurry, and the sounds all seem far away, which are symptoms that she knows all too well – _God, not now of all times_. Reaching the balcony and walking to the front, where the hosts all are standing, the girl tries to find Haruhi, intending to ask how the plan went, but somehow can't find her way. She can't see the twins anymore, either, and suddenly feels like she is going to fall over; her mind goes into panic overdrive. There is no way anyone can see her like this. Fucking crowds, fucking girls, fucking anemia. She latches at the nearest thing she can reach for support, which turns out to be Mori's jacket; he looks at her over his shoulder, and she can see his mouth moving, but doesn't hear any words. She uses all of her strength to tug a smile on, but she isn't quite sure if she's doing it right anymore. She tries to calm her breathing and feels like she is going to black out.

Akira hears Tamaki shout something that she can't quite make out, but she can tell it contains the word 'kiss', and sounds terribly exasperated. What's even going on anymore? She can feel an arm around her shoulders, trying to prop her up – thanks so much, my new favorite senpai – and realizes he eyelids are way, way too heavy. She can close her eyes just for a moment, right? So she does, and then realizes she is going to black out for real – which is something she definitely shouldn't do, but it's too late now, for sure. She has time to think _Well, here I fucking go_ , before she passes out. A sad girl indeed.

 **AN: Hi guys! OK, first things first, I am so so so so sorry it took me literally a million years to update this. I'M SO SORRY I honestly have no excuse! I also changed, like, the entire outline I had for the story, so all of the drafts of chapters I've done in this time can't be used anymore… But it's fine, because they would've sucked anyway. I'm getting a lot of inspiration for this story right now, though, and I hope I can start updating it, like, regularly, because usually my writing process goes like 'agonize over a single paragraph for a week because I can't find the right word, then cry, then publish and forget about this nightmare for several months, and then feel bad about it'. So as you can probably guess, I can't promise weekly updates (especially since I'm stuck in a place with no Internet for the summer, and my only way to get wifi is by stealing it at malls and cafés. It's hell.), but maybe biweekly? We'll see! Also, thank you so so much, everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed!**

 **I'm also currently in a need of a Beta. Uh, no idea how to look for one, but if anyone's willing to help, hit me up, I will love you forever. I also changed the summary, once again, because the previous one seemed silly. I honestly can't think of one that isn't silly, if I'm honest, but whatever.**

 **OK, this is getting too long. Thanks so much for reading, and tell me what you think! See you soon and I hope y'all are having a great summer!**


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